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It's been a struggle to find words the last few days. Even now I try to think of words to describe my life recently and my mind goes blank. I want to say it feels like a grey cold blanket has been pulled over me, it keeps me from breathing. But then again, how much does the weather have to do with it? I am more connected with the weather than I ever thought I would be.
Recently bad habits have been emerging. At first, I was worried about living alone for the first time. But now when I go to leave my apartment I am hit with fear that turns into nausea at the thought of being around people. I need to make sure to keep going out and force myself to ignore those feelings. The outside world is intimidating when you have a predictable little life inside your home.

On the brighter side of the moon I officially have the job doing crime scene clean up. I'm going to help clean meth out of homes and brain matter off the walls to make this world a better place. Am I worried about how this job might affect my psyche? Not really. I know it will take time to get used to it, but it's something I have had years to think about. My career will be around dead bodies and I need to get used to it somehow.

I feel like I have more to say, but the words are not coming today.